So, I know I’ve been gone for a while. I posted my first blog post last year in February, and since then, I haven’t posted anything else. Honestly, I’ve tried to write posts, but I always end up deleting them. My first blog post made some waves, and I guess something inside of me felt that nothing else I posted could follow up that first post. But, I think it’s time to change that…to get out of the mindset that every post needs to be perfectly written and manufactured. This blog was created to share my story, and my story is no way perfectly written and manufactured, so I shouldn’t expect my blog to be. My story isn’t over, and I still have so much to share with you all. Hopefully this next post will be the first of many updates.
You are probably wondering why I chose today to restart my blogging ventures. Today is Monday, March 30, 2015. Unless it’s a birthday or anniversary in your life, this date is probably just another day on the calendar. For me, today is a momentous day. Today is a celebration.
Today marks my thousand days free from cutting.
1,000 days. Quadruple digits. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. Five years ago, when I was so deep into my cycle of self-injury and destruction, I never thought I would make it here. At 18, self-injury was my daily vice, my addiction. My therapist told me that I should start counting the days I was free from cutting. Some weeks, my count stayed at “0.” Not a day went by where I didn’t turn to the blade for comfort. If I was having a good week, I would sometimes make it all the way to day 5 until I slipped and went back to day 0. In the middle of this struggle, one of my friends told me that I could do it. He told me that one day I would be able to hit double digits, then triple digits, then quadruple digits. I told him that I didn’t think that would ever happen. I could barely go a week without cutting. There was no way I would reach double digits. 10 days without cutting was way too long in my mind. At that point, I couldn’t even fathom reaching triple digits, let alone quadruple.
…but look where I am now. Quadruple freaking digits. One thousand days.
It’s been a thousand days since I last used self-injury to make me feel better. A thousand days since I used physical pain to deal with emotional pain. I’m a thousand days clean…and I am unbelievably happy.
There is so much more I could write, so much more I have to say. But, I think I’ll keep this post short and simple. But, there is one last thing I want to share, and it is this:
THERE IS HOPE.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with self-injury or an addiction of any kind…please know that there is hope. There is a way out. It may seem like that’s not possible right now…but it is. Five years ago, I never imagined a world where I didn’t cut myself. On April 30, I mark 5 years of when I first tried to kill myself. I didn’t even imagine a world where I was alive. Yet here I am.
No matter where you are in your life, keep on going. Keep fighting the good fight. Keep your head up. You got this. Things will get better, I promise.
You are worthy, you are valuable, and you are loved.
The Girl, Uninhibited.